Thursday, January 21, 2010

Today we attended the Hearings for HB 1580.

The following is the speech that Jim presented to the education committee.

My Dear Wormwood,

You have failed yet again. The Enemy threatens Our Father Below with HB1580, a bill designed to strengthen the family bond we've labored so hard to destroy. With HB1580, we lose the ability to create a monolithic secular culture through absolute educational uniformity. HB1580 takes the power of indoctrination away from our education complex and gives it to weak individuals. This pains me even more than that nauseatingly holy Bill Of Rights.

Think of it. These offspring will spend more time on science, literature, culture and the arts and neglect the important topics like pop culture, political correctness, and sex education. Allowing parents to confer educational and cultural values to their children without our oversight risks a land filled with open minds, individual thoughts, and dedication to family. You must not let this happen.

The dangers of educational excellence are only the beginning. Should HB1580 pass, parents and their children will grow together accustomed to a life guided by their own morality and intellectual prowess instead of our diabolical collective guidance. Hell forbid, they might actually get used to freedom itself.

Time is short, you must whisper to these lawmakers quickly. Say that parents can't be trusted with education. Remind them that they owe their allegiance to the special interest groups in education, that ordinary people are simply a nuisance. Your task depends on making these lawmakers neglect the goodness education freedom brings. Our Father Below is counting on you.

Your Affectionate Uncle,


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